Our will, iron. Our hearts, stone.
No one knew I was there. I lay in my haemorrhage, laid waste to where each man had carved their name into my heart. No one knew I was there. Laid bare in the darkness. I was there for years. Each man, a band-aid to ease the festering wounds made by the last. Each night, yielding, to fill the cold void. Each day, holding roses, that hid thorns of loneliness. Like a swinging door, they came, they left. They left me there. Just left me there. Only memories remained of hushed words, shared in the dark but empty of truth. Words that never danced in the light of day. Promises that never lived to see the dawn. With my romantic fantasies, I just lay there. Where they always left me. Dying to be loved. Desperate to be wanted. Pathetically wishing them back but drowned in rejection. Weighed down in hopelessness, I laid back down. Where I deserved. In the filth of a bed, I had made. I lay in my own blood, broken, lifeless, silent. Alone.
Days came and went. I lay there as people dropped by but I was silenced by guilt. Fettered in shame, enslaved by desperate desires, beaten down by my own works. I tried to cry. I tried to call out. Each time I moved, the heavy cuffs cut into my skin. Chains tightened each time I reached out. Their noisy clanging drowned out my whimpers. Whispered false promises filled the air, filled my ears. Repeated until I whispered them to myself. Noone heard me. Noone saw me there. They came. They went. And I just lay there. Alone.
Then someone moved. Even amongst the deafening silence of my own suffering mind. I could sense someone there. Someone was coming. Faint steps. Warmer I felt something like the sun on my blood soaked body. The stickiness of my skin pulled as I tried to turn my face. With eyes dried shut, I strained to hear. I wasn't alone.
Somehow You knew I was there. You knew where to find me. You knew I needed you. I tried to cry. I tried to call out. I tried to rise, but could only writhe in my muck. You saw me. Where they'd left me, so many times ago. You did not walk by me. You stopped.
(Ezekiel 16)
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